Called an old friend few days ago. Heard about another friend from her. The friend is living separately from the husband, has two kids - boy aged 6 and girl aged 4 and is now three-month pregnant. The husband has admitted to having an affair with another woman, a Chinese, and made it very clear he will not leave the woman, but at the same will not divorce her. Neither she asks that from him. Many are urging her to get a divorce through Syariah Court as the husband doesn't provide nafkah, zahir or batin. But she refuses for the sake of the children as although the husband has been mistreating her, he is close to the kids and they adore him.
I pity her and also admire her for her act of unselfishness. If I were in her shoes, I would have put my feeling first, no matter what. Many friends seem to be calling her stupid for doing so. But I think she's doing what she thinks is right at this moment. For the kids, and I'm sure she still loves the husband. It takes lots of love and understanding for someone to tolerate such infidelity.
It must really hurt knowing our partner has turned and given his heart to somebody else ... I couldn't imagine what would happen to me if I were to face such a situation. I would cry tear and blood, pull my hair, roll on the floor, use my kids to get him back (I hope I won't do this), blablabla ... but in the end, we cannot force others to love us. It comes naturally and it also dies naturally, and perhaps, it may come back naturally, if that happens, maybe we can call that true love, which has been tested, failed and repented.
As for my friend, I pray God gives her continuous strength and I hope one day, she will have the courage and is willing to let him go and start fresh. Above all, I hope she'll find someone who truly loves her, that meants loving the kids too.
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