Two sick kids make me crazy ...

A and Sy have been down with fever since last Friday, and of course they have become fussier. They've left me so exhausted and angry. I'm angry because I don't have that enough patience to handle them. I scream most of the time to get them do things. I'm damn sure it's no good for them and neither it is for me. I feel like I've failed. Lucky, they are much better today.
I also feel that being so busy with them have put a toll on relationship between me and Am. We hardly have a real conversation these days and sometimes, I find myself being so mad at Am for no apparent reasons. We sometimes argue. I also notice he's become quiter and it's so hard to see him laughing and smiling these days. I want to correct this, but sometimes I feel he should have known better not to let this kind of things put a strain in our relationship. From the beginning, before we step into this marriage, we knew it was not going to be easy. And now, I feel he's like giving in to this situation, and sometimes, I feel so dissapointed. I don't know. I'm so tired....

I pray Allah will save our marriage.

The apples of my eyes

It's been some time since I updated this blog. Have been quite busy with everyday's routine. A few developments have happened. My baby boy has become increasingly steadier with his steps. He baby-talks much too. He calls ayah, but can't get ibu. He teases the sister a lot too. Sy is now 10 months old. It's nice to see both of them playing together. They're so cute, I almost cry when I see them together. They are the apples of my eyes.
A has graduated her toilet training since some one month ago. I'm so relief that she finally understand the concept of going to the toilet when she feels the urge. The not very good thing is she goes to the toilet so often, sometimes I become so fed-up, I start scolding her. I sometimes think she's grown so fast. She can understand a lot of things too.

Last night she threw a fit when I scolded her about something. She was crying and talking at the same time, screaming 'A mintak maaf tapi Ibu tak mintak maaf pun'. And I went like 'A salah, so A kena mintak maaf' and she went on 'Ibu tak mintak maaf pun, A tak nak kawan dengan Ibu, tk nak beli gula-gula!'. hmmm ... I was speechless when I heard that and was thinking I was really a bad mother. And also feel funny everytime she says 'tak nak beli gula-gula'. I don't know where she got that, maybe from the nursery. She knows Mawi and Siti Nurhaliza and sings to songs in TV ads. I laughed when one day she asked me 'dah pukul tiga, ibu tak masak ke?'. Of course, She has yet to learn about reading the clock. It was only 12pm.

I realise, I have very few communication with Am lately. No, we're not in bad term. We're just tired and exhausted. Maybe we need to have time on our own without the kids.

I'm moving to the new office this Tuesday. This is the third time I move places since I started working with the company. I don't know if I like the place. But I'm just a worker here, so I'll just follow. The new place looks interesting albeit less privacy.