Of patience and compassion

Sya is 2 years and 8 months and A is 4 years and 6 months old. How time flies... and sometimes I feel like I can't really keep the pace. But they're beautiful kids, a gift that brings cheer and happiness... despite the 'disasters' they sometimes create. Well, they could be very mischievous at times. But then whose kids don't get naughty sometimes or all the time?

My only complain is myself. I'm not a perfect mother. I shout, use bad words sometimes, pinch or cane them, and threaten them. I feel I don't have good disciplines either. Due to my job nature, I can't really wake up early in the morning or be with them all the time at night. Sometimes, it makes me feel so lousy. Should I change this job? But then the good side to it is I can be with my kids during the day although I may not be in 'sober' foam in the morning. I can also fetch A from school myself. And feed them lunch, read with them, watch cartoons with them. But in the process, I more often than not tend to scold and 'intimidate' them a lot. Now I'm thinking, although I have more time with them, does it mean that I spend quality time with them.

I know experts would say be patient, have compassion, talk nicely .... but those are things you find in a parenting book and sometimes, are just good to sell the book and remain in the book. It's so difficult to apply in real life. Sometimes I wonder if the writer has ever raised child/ren. At the end, I realise I do things according to my way, what could/couldn't be done depending on the situation. And most of the time, what can yield quick obedience and understanding from the kids. I also realise no kids are the same. Even if they come from the same womb. They can be so different from each other like chalks and charcoals.

But all in all, I'm quite proud of myself. If I could mark my own report card, I probably gave myself a B or B+.

A can read and do simple maths, is I think quite mature for her age, being able to help me with simple chores in the house (depending on her moods) like washing the dish, hanging the clothes, tidying up her bed. She can be a conversation partner too. (Thinking about it, she's such a sweet baby, my baby, I shouldn't have scolded and caned her today. I should have been more patient with her. She's not even five yet.)

Sy is such an active toddler. He's like a 'drama queen' and always act 'over'. He's overactive, very talkactive, very manja, very sensitive, very funny, very friendly ... he's like 'very' everything. Despite all these, he's already graduated toilet training since April and only wears diapers when he sleeps at night. That already saves us about RM50 per month. I can't help but be proud of his achievement.

Children are just like children. Sometimes, I'm afraid if my harsh ways may bring hatred in them. Many times, I found myself asking them if they love me and Am. And they always say 'sayang sangat-sangat'. And they always look forward to spending time with us. They're just children and look up at us as their heroes, their saviours.

But I'm just a far-from-perfect mother who always loses her patience and nags a lot ....

Of Tea and Ice Lychee Tea ...

KL is a 'hot' city. Sometimes, the weather is so hot you can hardly open you eyes. You kind of walk with your head down most of the time to avoid the heat. It's quite dangerous to walk that way though because you can't really see what's coming in or behind your way. It's ok if you bump into some people occasionally, but what if the wrong people, the types that can snatch your handbag, bracelet, necklace or yourself away, bump into you? So, probably, we should start walking with umbrellas, or big hats (the mexican type probably) more often, or better still with big sunglasses the Victoria Beckham style. Hmmm ... not quite fond of sunglasses though, because they remind me of Mrs Beckham!!!

While you're waiting for a taxi in the blazing sun, probably you start thinking of cold drinks, anything cold. I realise these days, while 'sunbathing', I keep thinking of ice lychee tea. Cold, fresh with some lychees and of course tea, especially from the mamak stall we (me and my partner) frequent almost every working day. The tea comes in a big glass which probably costs us about RM4 or RM5 (I don't really know because I don't 'meet' the cashier), but it's so delicious. It's actually more delicious than lychee syrup.

I've always like tea, and coffee of course. Compared to coffee, particularly instant coffee, tea is much cheaper, especially if you buy it in the loose form. The uncang ones are more expensive, but can still be considered cheap. You can even get much 'below the par' price if you buy the 'cap masjid' type, the almost 'hancur' one which is flavoured with syrup, pandan, or whatever and which color is so dark, it's almost red. But funny, it's actually so delicious and many people in kampungs like it. In fact, teh tarik is also tastier with the 'cap masjid' tea.

Tea always reminds me of Grandma. In Ramadhan, Tea O was our 'wajib' drink during sahur. We drank tea without creamer or milk, that has always been how most people in Terengganu drink their tea until these days. After eating our rice, we would drink our tea. Grandma prepared the tea in a stainless steel pot. It was not very sweet, because she knew I didn't like it very sweet. Usually, for me, she would pour half of the glass with the already prepared tea and another half with plain hot water. She knew exactly how I liked it. That reminds me of how 'manja and mua' I was at that time. I would sip it until the end of sahur time ... hmmm ... still remember how delicious it was, the taste, the smell. But of course tea at that time was just a cap masjid one, not the fancy types we have these days. And there was no Ice Lychee Tea either.

One ramadhan here in KL, I tried making tea the Grandma style, but somehow, the taste was not the same, the flavour, the smell was different although I made sure I used the cap masjid tea and the right portion of water ... then I realised, I couldn't and will not forever get the same tea I drank when I lived with Grandma, because obviously Grandma was not here ... and will never be here anymore. Things aren't and will never be the same. Al-Fatihah.

Sick of complaints

It's a difficult era... Prices of all neccesities and un-neccesities have gone up. Some even have skyrocketed to a level not affordable and 'grabable'. People everywhere are talking endlessly about this. There're a lot of dissatisfaction and complaints. And honestly, some people (myself included) started to feel sick of complaints ... that this and that and these and those people don't and do this and that and that these and those people should subsidise these and those .... blah ..blah ... blah. It seems Malaysians are so used to things subsidised that once the real situation hits, people start to claw each other.

Some may think that I'm filthy rich like they would say to ministers and anybody who happens to hold high power in the government. Well, I have a mountain of debts (sounds like the AKPK ad on TV) and I probably fall under the category "Kais pagi makan petang atau malam" ... but is it really any of the ministers' fault that I have debts and don't have a lot of money??? I rather blame it on my not working hard enough to earn more and to my favoring day-offs over overtimes, or to my overspending, perhaps.

There is the tendency these days that if times are difficult, blame in on the government, the filthy rich, the corporate people, the royal gang and so on, and never own selves... and why must find ways to blame others? Why not find ways to make things workable and better? We're so pampered, so spoilt that we don't know how to survive on our own.

Isn't it just normal in life to have masa senang dan susah?