Muhammad Fakhrullah, Ahmad Hafiz

I must include these two cute babies here. They are my newphews. Oh, finally I have nephews of my own. One is very fair and the other is fairly dark, like my youngest. But they are both very cute.

Looking at them, I wonder when is the right time to have new addition in our family. I like four, but don't know if I'm capable of .... .. financially or mentally. Maybe financially, but doubtly mentally. But to me the more the merrier, although I actually come from a fairly small family.

Funny, I've actually started thinking of a name. Many names have come up ... like Adalia for girl, Adam Syairazi for boy and Nurhanna, Khadijah, Mariam, etc ... too much eh...! I've actually been struggling with my post-pregnancy fat since my first baby and am hoping to shed some pounds before I conceive a new one.

Hopefully .......

I love my parents

We went back to Terengganu on April 16 and spent about 10 days there. My kids really enjoyed their time back home. People ask me why I always go back to my parents' place whenever I take my leave. Why don't I go vacationing overseas? Well ... you see ... my parents are in their mid-50s and not very healthy anymore. I live about 700km away from them and only see them about four or five times a year. And I also take leave about four to five times a year. If I go somewhere else, when else would I see my parents then? I love them. I feel our time is getting shorter. I lost my beloved grandmother in 2004. I'm still carrying this guilt and regret of not having be able to spend enough time with her or , alas, to look after her when she was sick. Everytime I think of her, I feel the pain. Maybe God wants me to live with this feeling as a reminder. Therefore, going back home is a must everytime I take my leave. Also a must is going home to my in-laws in Melaka.

going old and slow ...

It's been almost two months ... probably, because I'm getting old and slow ... or maybe, I've lost with time. Life is busy, boring, routine, occasionally interesting, sad, less colorful... bla, bla, bla.. I don't know... I do miss old times when life was easier and freer.

The kids are growing as they should. It's nice seeing them getting bigger and smarter in front of my eyes. It's the result of our hardwork, sleepless nights, empty accounts, bla bla bla. Yes, of course, I should be proud of what we've achieved.

Hubby is getting quieter for reasons unknown. But I rather leave him be as he needs his own space too. And I'm probably getting noisier and becoming a pain in the arse to him. Why am I saying this? Nope, not what you think ... we're happy as always, or at least that's what I think. We hardly have fights, you see...

Work is boring as usual. But I'm sure it's not the workplace or the office mates or the work itself that make it boring. Then what is it? I feel I'm losing half of my will to leave to the fullest. When I look at myself in the mirror, I notice that I've changed a lot. The way I stare and look, the reflection in my eyes, my physic of course and my gestures among others . I can feel myself not liking this changes. I don't approve them, no wonder I'm losing my interest in many things.

I think, I need time to reflect and bring back the zest to my life ...