Of patience and compassion

Sya is 2 years and 8 months and A is 4 years and 6 months old. How time flies... and sometimes I feel like I can't really keep the pace. But they're beautiful kids, a gift that brings cheer and happiness... despite the 'disasters' they sometimes create. Well, they could be very mischievous at times. But then whose kids don't get naughty sometimes or all the time?

My only complain is myself. I'm not a perfect mother. I shout, use bad words sometimes, pinch or cane them, and threaten them. I feel I don't have good disciplines either. Due to my job nature, I can't really wake up early in the morning or be with them all the time at night. Sometimes, it makes me feel so lousy. Should I change this job? But then the good side to it is I can be with my kids during the day although I may not be in 'sober' foam in the morning. I can also fetch A from school myself. And feed them lunch, read with them, watch cartoons with them. But in the process, I more often than not tend to scold and 'intimidate' them a lot. Now I'm thinking, although I have more time with them, does it mean that I spend quality time with them.

I know experts would say be patient, have compassion, talk nicely .... but those are things you find in a parenting book and sometimes, are just good to sell the book and remain in the book. It's so difficult to apply in real life. Sometimes I wonder if the writer has ever raised child/ren. At the end, I realise I do things according to my way, what could/couldn't be done depending on the situation. And most of the time, what can yield quick obedience and understanding from the kids. I also realise no kids are the same. Even if they come from the same womb. They can be so different from each other like chalks and charcoals.

But all in all, I'm quite proud of myself. If I could mark my own report card, I probably gave myself a B or B+.

A can read and do simple maths, is I think quite mature for her age, being able to help me with simple chores in the house (depending on her moods) like washing the dish, hanging the clothes, tidying up her bed. She can be a conversation partner too. (Thinking about it, she's such a sweet baby, my baby, I shouldn't have scolded and caned her today. I should have been more patient with her. She's not even five yet.)

Sy is such an active toddler. He's like a 'drama queen' and always act 'over'. He's overactive, very talkactive, very manja, very sensitive, very funny, very friendly ... he's like 'very' everything. Despite all these, he's already graduated toilet training since April and only wears diapers when he sleeps at night. That already saves us about RM50 per month. I can't help but be proud of his achievement.

Children are just like children. Sometimes, I'm afraid if my harsh ways may bring hatred in them. Many times, I found myself asking them if they love me and Am. And they always say 'sayang sangat-sangat'. And they always look forward to spending time with us. They're just children and look up at us as their heroes, their saviours.

But I'm just a far-from-perfect mother who always loses her patience and nags a lot ....