Who takes care who ...

Sometimes, I have problems understanding some practices among malays, and perhaps other races, regarding marriage life. When I was a kid, I used to see women, including those in my family, help out men at workplace, be it at paddy fields, kedai runcit, vegetable farms, workshops, Quranic classes, etc, etc. Of course, they also cooked, 'fed' the husbands, looked after the kids, washed the clothes, swept the floor, scrubed the bathroom, looked after the cows and chickens, sometimes pets, went to the market, looked after the elderly, sent kids to school .. the list goes on and on.
Most of the women I knew also had their own 'professional' jobs like sowing, knitting, drawing batik and bertenun besides normal office jobs as govt servants, teachers, etc, etc. During the busy hours of the women, the men were usually having their siestas, lepaking at kampung cafes, watching TVs, playing dam aji, splashing in the river nearby, polishing honda cubs or raleigh bicyle, talking to pet birds, the list went on and on. In this new era, although few decades have passed, not much change actually happened. Most men still have to fed and pampered, women do most of the jobs, including bringing in the money. In Islam, among the purposes of marriages, is for men to protect and take care after women. And because of that, men should be regarded as leaders of the family. In practice, the truth is a far cry from that. And for that reason, I wonder if it's ok if women be appointed as the leaders of the family, as they seem to be the stronger species. I'm sure God is fair and He sees and listens and sure knows what happens.
Why am I talking about this? I'm lucky to have a loving, caring and responsible husband, who does most of the things. So, why the complaint? I read a news about a 100 over grandma who married a 30 something guy, so that the guy 'can take care of her'. But she said in a report, she cooks, irons, washes, bla, bla, bla for the guy. I wonder if she also has to work to put food on the table. Now, who takes care, who needs to be taken care? I'm really pissed of.